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Ever just want to pinch someone’s head off? What about just giving up the ghost and running away? Last week’s blog talked about seizing the opportunity when working with a difficult person or situation and using it as an opportunity to become more resilient. Here I’d like to pay respects to the associated difficulty. This is one of those activities that reads easy but does hard.
Robustness has several apparent advantages:
- One is already prepared to move ahead with defined strengths;
- Weaknesses can be avoided so there is no distraction;
- A sharp focus can be established.
Curiouser and Curiouser
If we peal back the surface layer of robustness we just might see a psychological rabbit’s hole that shows a reality stranger and more convoluted than the one on the surface. Like Alice going through the Looking Glass, let’s tumble in and take a look!
Those weaknesses mentioned before, what if I told you they are the puppet masters? They are not just any puppet masters but ones that flip between rage and being totally lost. What if I also told you they come out when it appears one can least afford it?
This is the downfall of robustness. It tries to protect itself when things start falling apart (become complex) and the urge to control takes over. It can lead to aggression brought on by a fear of being in the grip of an even greater, paralyzing fear believing doom will result if robustness is abandoned.
This phrase, “In the grip,” is commonly used in Jungian psychology. The associated dynamic is fascinating. If unwilling to look at one’s weaknesses and change accordingly then a toxic coupling occurs. This unwillingness combines with the aforementioned fear of doom. It creates a bizarre feeling of being quite practical, adult, a good business person, etc., when going on the attack. Paradoxically, the attacking hastens the collapse.
The thing to keep in mind is only through addressing weaknesses in complex situations is one able to become resilient. The over-exercising of strengths is part of what led to this situation. Doing more of the same is counterproductive. Our strengths now become our weaknesses.
Are you following the saga of Murdoch and the News Corporation? Ever work with someone technically competent but unable to delegate? What happens when that person gets a job bigger than themselves?
Is a Weakness Evil?
Now we circle back to the last blog. These complex situations are where the opportunities exist. They give us a chance to see where we can become more of ourselves and pull out of the shadows the parts that have been banished years ago and put them to work. The puppet masters (weaknesses) we try to bury are parts of our psyche reacting to being in prison and denied for so long. They rebel and will continue to do so with increasing intensity and frequency until they are heard.
This leads to another paradox. Bringing these traits to the surface and actively working with them makes us not just stronger but more resilient! The reward is immeasurable. One becomes a bit more whole increasing the ability to lead and thrive and deal with more complex situations. Simultaneously, the opportunity to be happy and spontaneous appears.
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Through his firm, Center for Managing Change, Gary Monti has over 30 years experience providing change- and project management services internationally. He works at the nexus between strategy, business case, project-, process-, and people management. Service modalities include consulting, teaching, mentoring, and speaking. Credentials include PMP number 14 (Project Management Institute®), Myers-Briggs Type Indicator certification, and accreditation in the Cynefin methodology. Gary can be reached at gwmonti@mac.com or through Twitter at @garymonti
